I write this particular blog post as an open letter to anyone who is currently, has ever or ever plans to stay in a dorm room.
Golden Rule Number 1: “Don’t be a douche bag.”
So you may remember my previous dorm room experience of the fat, overly exposed 50 something year old man with his oxygen breathing machine in Manila. Kept everyone awake all night without even the slightly hint of an apology. Well folks – turns out those people are everywhere. Maybe not all with breathing machines but in various forms, all leading you to believe they are a nice or interesting or friendly person….until it comes time to go to bed.
Ladies and gents – the “Lights on no matter what time it is Douche Bag.” So you’re in bed, asleep, with 6 or 7 other people in your dorm room and in walks the above mentioned douche bag. First thing they do….lights on. Regardless of what time it is or how many people they may be disturbing, they think the world revolves around them. Please – do carry on unpacking all your belongings at 2am whilst everyone else is trying to sleep – said no person ever! Get your shit together before you arrive or wait until morning – you inconsiderate tosspot.
Secondly we have “the snoring douche bag.” Now, whilst I accept that this is a little harder to ‘control’ as it were – if you are aware that your snores resemble that of a passing bloody freight train combined with a jet engine, for the love of all things holy get your own room and leave other people in peace. Last night I was kept awake for the entire night whilst snoring douche bag had a lovely sleep! Every single other person in the room was woken up by him at one point or another only they were lucky enough to get back to sleep. At 4am I gave up and clambered down from my top bunk to try and find somewhere else to sleep, all the while muttering threats under my breath to smother him in his sleep. I grab my handbag containing my phone so I have an ounce of light to find said new place to sleep. Only when I reach into my handbag I’m greeted by a giant cockroach who has decided to take up residence in there. Mortified and now even more raging, I try my best to launch said cockroach in snoring douche bag’s general direction and storm out of the room. Pillow and sheets in tow, I attempt to sleep in the communal area of the hostel only to realise I can still hear him snoring just as loudly since the walls are essentially made of paper. Not wanting to be defeated or eaten alive by mosquitos, I decided to try going back to bed now my rage had marginally subsided.
The moral of the story here people – don’t be a douche bag if you are sharing a room with a whole bunch of strangers and garuantee they will all hate you come the morning!
Rant over – I’m now going for a nap! 😑